The disciples walked along the road to Capernaum. Their footsteps grew slow, and still slower, until they had lagged almost out of sight behind Jesus. They were having a heated discussion among themselves and hardly noticed that Jesus was no longer with them-except for a quick glance now and then to be sure He was out of earshot.

The subject of their discussion was a favorite: Who was to be the greatest in the kingdom? On occasion they had gone so far as to include Jesus in these debates, hoping for some straight answer from Him that might settle the issue. But He had answered them only with a parable about little children, instead of giving each of them the clear job description for which they had hoped. Now they were embarrassed for Him to know they still argued the matter.

Nor would this be the last time the disciples became involved in this squabble, in spite of Jesus’ repeated efforts to instruct them. They would listen to His words in the house at Capernaum that day. They would realize their error in seeking the highest place, the very sin of Lucifer in the beginning. But before long James and John would come, through their mother, with an out-and-out request for the highest places, on the right hand and on the left, and the disciples would be at it again.

A little while later, Peter, James, and John would be included in the mysterious trip to the mountaintop, and the nine who were left behind would spend the night arguing about who was to be the greatest. Even the humiliation of being unable to cast out a demon the next morning was not enough to teach them their lesson. For in the upper room, the night before the crucifixion, they were again at swords’ points, each one unwilling to concede the highest place and take the part of a servant.

The disciples were committing sin. They knew it was sin. Yet they kept doing it time and time and time again.

Who were these disciples? Well, they were men who had the benefit of three years spent in close relationship with Jesus. They associated with Him day by day. They were converted men, for Jesus told them when they returned from their missionary journey, rejoicing in the power given them over the demons, that they should rather rejoice because their names were written in heaven.

See Luke 10:20.

The book of life doesn’t include the names of those who have never been converted. See John 3.

The story of the disciples is a disturbing story to some. It is as biblical as your Bible, and in fact the pattern of on-again, off- again doesn’t begin or end with the disciples. Abraham, Jacob, Elijah,

David, Mary and Martha, and even Paul, exhibit the same pattern, along with many others. It is disturbing, but it is reality. A reality that Scripture chronicles faithfully.

We have noticed earlier that there is no such thing as partial surrender. Surrender is either all or nothing. But there is the possibility of inconstant surrender. In fact, based on the biographies the Bible gives us, we might even go so far as to say that inconstant surrender is not just a possibility. More often than not, it took time and trial and error before the one who had surrendered to God learned to stay surrendered to Him all of the time, without wavering.

Thesis 72 will go into greater detail regarding this on-again, off-again pattern in the Christian life. But for now, let’s cover just this much: suppose you find yourself in the disciples’ shoes? Suppose you discover that one minute you’re depending upon God and experiencing victory-and the next minute, you somehow begin depending on yourself and find that you have fallen and failed and sinned again. What do you do?

Here is instruction and encouragement for just such a person.

“If one who daily communes with God errs from the path, if turns a moment from looking steadfastly unto Jesus, it is not because he sins willfully; for when he sees his mistake, he turns again, and fastens his eyes upon Jesus, and the fact that he has erred, does not make him less dear to the heart of God.” - Ellen White, Review and Herald, May 12, 1896.